Dog allergies, fun for one and all.

Did you know that Labradors are prone to skin allergies? Yeah, I didn't either. Until I got a Lab that is. Crap. Can I get a refund? I'll even pay the restocking fee.

Don't worry, I'm only kidding. I think.

This money-sucking trait didn't manifest right away. It waited about a year or so to make it's debut, giving you just enough time to become significantly attached to it's carrier, therefore insuring that you will cram hundreds of dollars of non-discretionary income down your pup's throat each year in its name.

In our case, I've been shoving four antibiotic pills down Sawyer's throat every day, three weeks a month, for the past three to four years. It's a blast. Really, you should try it sometime. For giggles.

This wasn't my first choice, but my cunning canine, quickly caught on and could spot a smelly antibiotic pill from a mile away. No matter what tasty morsel I used in a vain attempt to hide the pill, he would find it and spit it out like a bad piece of tuna.

I finally decided I'd had enough dog slobber and chew marks on my hands for one lifetime, so we decided to head down the even more expensive road of allergy shots. I was basically ready to try anything at this point to save my delicate lady hands and my sanity.

So, nearly $200 and a few weeks later, we anxiously awaited the results of his blood test to once and for all find out exactly what this pooch is allergic to and pay some pharmaceutical goonie to work up a sanity-saving-shot for us.

They tested for everything; grasses, weeds, dust mites, mold, on, and on...) You know what the results came back showing he was allergic to?

Nothing.

Say WHAT?! How is that possible?

Apparently this means one thing. A food allergy. (We were warned of this possibility before we shelled out the cash, but I barely considered it an option. I thought for sure this test was going to come back with a giant YES next to every allergen known to man. Errrr....dog.) Conveniently, there are no easy blood tests to narrow down a food allergy. You have to do a food trial. Which means that your dog is on a STRICT food diet with ABSOLUTELY no table food.

....blank stare...

Did you know I have a two year old?

....blank stare...

Absolutely no table food? You might as well have just asked me to walk on water.

Our vet completely understood the dilemma, but sadly, that means our only option is to continue to merely treat the symptoms with pills.

Goodbye sanity. Goodbye lady hands.

Sawyer if you are reading this, you owe me. BIG. At a bare minimum, you could consider letting me rest my feet on your back every now and then, giving me back a meager six inches of my king size bed, or perhaps you'd consider passing a bit less gas.

For those of you out there considering adding a lovable Labrador to your family pack, let me offer a few suggestions: Pet health insurance for instance. I used to think this existed solely for crazy people, that's probably still the case, but I wouldn't brush it off so quickly if I were you. Or, perhaps opt for a nice gold fish instead. I hear their vet bills are a lot more manageable. Plus, there's the added bonus of not having to deal with a 70 pound "lap"dog, neon-yellow-carpet-staining-puke, an uninvited bed guest, or a multitude of foul smelling odors.

To add insult to injury, we're 99% sure he now has an ear infection. I wonder if you can open a tab at the Vet clinic?